Saturday, October 3, 2009

Lost in battle

"How are you today?" was the question. I really didn't have an answer. Replying with a simple "Oh the usual, another day another dollar, fifty cents after taxes" brings a bit of a chuckle from those around me. It has been a rough couple months. Trying to reconcile what I believe to be right, everything I've been taught to believe is being challenged. The person I love is asking me to do things that go against the very grain of my being. So what do I do? What are my choices? Can I exist between these two worlds? Is my love for her strong enough to allow me to bend so she can pursue her desires? I've learned so much, my eyes have been opened, the demons that I once thought roamed this place, weren't what they seemed. It was just so different, so alien to me, I had trouble taking in all this new world had to offer. "It means so much to her, she deserves to have this" I tell myself. That battle raged inside me. Finally the decision was made for me. I no longer have to worry about what she does, it is no longer my responsibility. I still think of her. My heart is with her. I can't try and pretend to not love her. I hope she is happy where ever she is. I miss her. I'm sorry I couldn't be what you needed. I love you wherever you are. Think bad of me all you want, but you know in your heart that I love you more than you'll ever give me credit for.

Mon cœur saigne pour être la vôtre près, je vous aime plus que la vie elle-même.

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