Heart

Lying there next to her, feeling her soft skin rubbing upon my own, her soft sighs of contentment. With every breath she took, I could feel her. A feeling that can't be explained by conventional means. A feeling that permeates your very being, undeniable, a feeling that is unshakable, yet indescribable. My hand tingles at the sensation of touching her. Knowing that she is next to me, brings such peace. "How does she make me feel this way?" I think to myself. She is the only woman, who has ever seen inside of me. Who has ever gotten close to me. I opened the door to my soul to her. All those years of pain and disappointment, were worth the time suffering. She is mine, and I am hers. If she was but to ask, I'd give anything of myself to her. "If she could only see into my heart, and if she only knew how much of it is hers" I gently whisper. Next to her, I feel complete, as if a piece of me that had been lost, has been found. A warm feeling fills my soul as I wrap my arms around this angel that has been given to me.

A lesson

She was crying, tears running down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to cry" she sobbed. I wrapped my arms around her and asked,"How come you are so upset." "I am afraid that you will leave as all the others have. I don't want to face the world without you" she told me. I felt her pain, knowing all too well that same emptiness and fear. I looked down into her eyes and knew what I must do. "Alright from this moment forth, you are my sub and will do as I command, do you agree?" I asked. "I'm not sure if I can, if I say yes, can I change my mind later?" she questioned. "You can end it at any time you wish, but know this, if you do, your training stops completely" I warned. With that I said, "This is your first assignment. Write me ten sentences, each one of them starting with, I am a sexy bitch because.... You have three days to complete it, which after I won't talk to you until its done." She gasped,"Wow that is going to be hard to do." An answer that I expected, I've seen into her, she has self worth issues, has been used and abused in her past and it was now my job to show her different. A couple of days pass and sure enough she brought me the list, completed.

"Alright, it seems that you're taking this seriously, which is good. Now go get the rice and pour a little on the floor there. Then kneel upon it." I stated. "But didn't I do what you asked?" she asked seeming confused. "Do not question, just do." She hesitated for a moment, seemingly lost. She finally decided to kneel upon the rice, and winced upon doing so. I walk over and hand her the list and say, "Now read to me the list." She picks up the paper and begins to read off her reasons. "Now read them to me like you mean them." She started to weep softly. "This really is starting to hurt master" she whined. "Good perhaps it will get your attention, since words are lost on you, read them again," I said coolly. She read her list to completion a second time. "That just won't do, so I guess you're stuck" I was forced to say. I walked over and grabbed her hair, lifted her head up and asked her "Do you like it down there? Does that position bring you pleasure?" "No master", she replied.
I raised my voice slightly, "Then why do you not do what I ask?" "But I am master, I'm doing everything you asked but I'm still being punished" she cried. " How does that make you feel?" I asked. "Do you like this situation? Do you like being treated unfairly? Seemingly you do everything right but you still feel punished?" She paused for a moment looking at me, the tears had stopped. "This is exactly what you do to yourself every time you let someone else have power over you in your life. You feel powerless and worthless so you do whatever it is you feel is nesessary to please them. So if you feel that this situation is unfair and that you are in the right, then you know what to do. Unless you want to keep reading," I stated with authority. "But that will be disobeying you," she sobbed. "When this all started I told you it would be hard, and the choices you make will be difficult," I reminded her. "So one more time from the top, let's hear that list," I commanded. She had a look on her face, tears began to stream down her cheeks, instead of reading her list she started to rise from the floor, I didn't say a word, she kept her eyes on me the entire time. She stood up looked me in the eyes and almost shouted her list at me. I rose from my chair and walked to her, she was shaking head to toe almost shivering. "Now when you chose to rise from the floor, why did you do it? I asked. "It hurt really bad I couldn't take any more. I'm sorry master that I stood without your permission" "Oh I only asked you to kneel, I never said for how long. You decided that must be what I want so you continued in the pain to please me. You never thought to stop and ask me if I wanted you to continue to kneel, you just assumed. Lesson one, never should a master ask you to complete a task then punish you, but every time you do these things in your life, to hurt yourself to please someone, you are doing just that" I stated. Upon completion of that sentence, she looked up at me with tear filled eyes, it was almost as if a safe had been cracked. I could see years of pain and anguish on her face. "Come here you gorgeous thing you," I said while scooping her up in my arms. She buried herself into my chest and sobbed uncontrollably. I packed her into the bedroom and laid her upon the bed, climbed up into the bed with her, pulled the blankets up over us, and just laid with her. She clung to me like a new born. Some time passed and her sobbing lessened a bit, and through red eyes and a cracking voice she told me, "Thank you"

Lost in battle

"How are you today?" was the question. I really didn't have an answer. Replying with a simple "Oh the usual, another day another dollar, fifty cents after taxes" brings a bit of a chuckle from those around me. It has been a rough couple months. Trying to reconcile what I believe to be right, everything I've been taught to believe is being challenged. The person I love is asking me to do things that go against the very grain of my being. So what do I do? What are my choices? Can I exist between these two worlds? Is my love for her strong enough to allow me to bend so she can pursue her desires? I've learned so much, my eyes have been opened, the demons that I once thought roamed this place, weren't what they seemed. It was just so different, so alien to me, I had trouble taking in all this new world had to offer. "It means so much to her, she deserves to have this" I tell myself. That battle raged inside me. Finally the decision was made for me. I no longer have to worry about what she does, it is no longer my responsibility. I still think of her. My heart is with her. I can't try and pretend to not love her. I hope she is happy where ever she is. I miss her. I'm sorry I couldn't be what you needed. I love you wherever you are. Think bad of me all you want, but you know in your heart that I love you more than you'll ever give me credit for.

Mon cœur saigne pour être la vôtre près, je vous aime plus que la vie elle-même.

Attachment

She walked into the room, as often a person does. Without much purpose or anything out of the ordinary. Sitting at the computer working, not paying much attention to my surroundings. Coming over to me, she reaches out and grabs a hold of my chair. Spinning it to face her, she asks"So you busy?" "Never for you suga, what's on your mind?" was my reply. "Come with me, I want to show you something" she said. I couldn't help but think to myself,"Now I wonder what this is all about, man I got to get this project done before the deadline." Being led into the bedroom, she sat me on the bed and says, "Wait here." I didn't say a word, something was different, she was a little bit less submissive than in past days. Something was out of place, and I just couldn't put my finger on it. "Alright close your eyes please" she asked from the other room. "They're closed," I replied. I hear footsteps on the carpet, that soft shuffling of bare feet you can just tell. She walks to me and says, alright open your eyes. She was wearing what looked like black rubber, all tight and shiny. It looked like a single piece with several cutouts. To be honest a bikini may have had more material in it. She had on knee high boots just as tight. All of it accented with bits of chrome loops and chain with connection loops at the wrists "Do you like my new outfit" she blinked at me. For the first time I didn't have any words to speak, I sat there drinking in her body, her outfit, the way she stood, so sexy, so powerful. "Hold out your hand." she asked. Reaching out my palm, she took her hands from behind her and laid in my hands a collar. After setting it in my hands, she kneeled before me, pulled her hair up, and bowed her head. "I am yours to do with as you wish master. No one has ever made me feel as you do. You treat me with respect, honor, and love. I never thought I'd find one worthy to hold this. Today is that moment" she revealed to me. I was taken back, this woman finds me worthy? What an honor, a privilage for such a lovely woman, such a generous soul and here she is offering herself to me. She put her hands on mine and guided them to her neck, I placed the collar upon her neck, when the snaps clicked, a surge of power went through my body. This was now my responsibility, she was now mine, to look after and to care for. As my mind was taking in the experience, she brought up a leash and handed it to me. She took the end, rubbed it over her breasts, teasing me with it, then clicking it into place. When she attached it to the collar, she shuddered. I knew that shudder all too well. Taking the leash in my hand, I stood. I tugged gently on it, bringing her to her feet. Reaching under her chin to raise her head, I looked deep into her eyes. I couldn't help but notice my cheek felt cool. I wrapped my arms around her and held her close for a time. Taking her up in my arms I tell her, "Perhaps it's time for a break from work."