Update!!

All of these writings are now a published work, if you so desire a copy, go to http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0095JRP1Y Spread the word, if I get a good response, I may have to put more of my thoughts to "paper" sort of speak. I do apologize for my absense, real world medical problems have plagued me. Thank you.

friends

Such a lovely creature, not many pictures have I seen catch my eye in such a manner. Such beauty, her smile just pulls you into it's warmth. Warming you, making you want to join in with one of your own. Eyes that sparkle like gemstones in the moonlight. A lovelier creature I've not seen. In first glancing saying to myself, "What I wouldn't give spend a moment in time with that". I'll send her a message for kicks, we'll see if she's even real or will even respond. Imagine my surprise, when upon logging in I found a message, and it was from her. Being the optimistic person that I am, ok what site does she want me to join to chat? I chuckled to myself. After exchanging a few messages back and forth we started instant messaging each other. Conversation with her was a breath of fresh air, not only was she not a porn bot, she was an amazing person to talk to. I find myself longing to talk to her, she enters my thoughts unannounced. I even have dreamed of her, and a reality that can never be. She tugs at my heart strings in ways I've not felt. Funny, full of whit, highly intelligent, could such a perfect woman exist..... ? Here before me is the greatest discovery since the lightbulb. I am very fortunate to have her as my friend, we are soulmates, though I am not truly sure what kind of soulmates we are ...... only time will tell.....

Breaking...

This particular part of the blog is called Desires. Many ideas have been explored and written about. Perhaps I should share one of my own.

If given the chance, the following is ....


As the car door slowly opened, my heart felt as though it would stop, "Could it really be her, after all this time, could it be?" I asked myself. A shiver ran through me that shook me to my soul. As she closed the door I could see it was her. It was the love of my life. Her dark shoulder length hair gently moving to the breeze. A face worthy of heaven itself glowing in the moonlight. Eyes sparkling like gemstones. I'm so taken in by the sight almost forgetting why I am there. As she approaches me, I fall to my knees, "My love, I have something to tell you" I was barely able to mutter. "Your love to me is as the air I breathe, without you in my life, it feels like I'm just slowly withering away. You brought such joy and happiness to me. I cannot ask you to forget, but I beg you to forgive what I did and how I acted. You are the most precious person in my life. I got caught up in work and activities and forgot you. When you wanted to participate in life, I was jealous, I am sorry my love. Life without you just isn't worth living. Reaching out for you in the middle of the night, still I reach for you each morning. I'm not whole without you my love. You complete me. Once upon a time I didn't think I needed you, I was wrong." Upon my knees, staring at her face, I await my answer....

Fullfilled

lying there, the fear creeping into my consciousness. To be restrained is almost a phobia with me. Seeing her work the rope with her hands, twisting it into little loops knowing that they would soon be upon me. There was a twinkle in her eyes, almost a look of great pleasure that crept into her face as she applied the rope around my wrist. Working the rope around to the other one and cinching it. Leaning in to tease me with her gorgeous breasts, gently brushing my face with them, I strained against the ropes, trying to get my lips upon those lovely mounds. Finding that she knew how far to keep them from me, and just let me dart around, trying to get a nipple in my mouth, just when I'd almost succeed she'd just pull it away expelling a wicked cackle with every attempt. "You're so cute there all tied up" she said as she smiled at me. With that statement she leaned in and smothered me with her breasts and leaned over and started nibbling on my arm, holding it down, and gently applying her teeth to my skin. My fear of the situation, quickly turned to that of desire, "What are these feelings inside of me?" Feeling as though if she didn't touch me I'd wither and die. I needed her, I needed her to touch me. Being so preoccupied with that sensation, I barely noticed her tying my feet in a similar fashion. There I was tied to her bed. She could do anything she wanted to me. Being tied up at first scared me, however with her it was different. I trusted her. I wanted to be at her mercy, she was everything to me. The desire to serve her, to please her burned at my very core. She stood there for a moment, eying me. Her smile was so beautiful. I was thankful for her, to give myself to her was such a special gift. That first sensation of her touch sent waves of sensations down my spine. Kissing up my legs, and stopping to gently nibble in the middle. Lying there, in the midst of it all, realizing that this woman was everything I'd ever dreamed of....

Heart

Lying there next to her, feeling her soft skin rubbing upon my own, her soft sighs of contentment. With every breath she took, I could feel her. A feeling that can't be explained by conventional means. A feeling that permeates your very being, undeniable, a feeling that is unshakable, yet indescribable. My hand tingles at the sensation of touching her. Knowing that she is next to me, brings such peace. "How does she make me feel this way?" I think to myself. She is the only woman, who has ever seen inside of me. Who has ever gotten close to me. I opened the door to my soul to her. All those years of pain and disappointment, were worth the time suffering. She is mine, and I am hers. If she was but to ask, I'd give anything of myself to her. "If she could only see into my heart, and if she only knew how much of it is hers" I gently whisper. Next to her, I feel complete, as if a piece of me that had been lost, has been found. A warm feeling fills my soul as I wrap my arms around this angel that has been given to me.

A lesson

She was crying, tears running down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, I don't mean to cry" she sobbed. I wrapped my arms around her and asked,"How come you are so upset." "I am afraid that you will leave as all the others have. I don't want to face the world without you" she told me. I felt her pain, knowing all too well that same emptiness and fear. I looked down into her eyes and knew what I must do. "Alright from this moment forth, you are my sub and will do as I command, do you agree?" I asked. "I'm not sure if I can, if I say yes, can I change my mind later?" she questioned. "You can end it at any time you wish, but know this, if you do, your training stops completely" I warned. With that I said, "This is your first assignment. Write me ten sentences, each one of them starting with, I am a sexy bitch because.... You have three days to complete it, which after I won't talk to you until its done." She gasped,"Wow that is going to be hard to do." An answer that I expected, I've seen into her, she has self worth issues, has been used and abused in her past and it was now my job to show her different. A couple of days pass and sure enough she brought me the list, completed.

"Alright, it seems that you're taking this seriously, which is good. Now go get the rice and pour a little on the floor there. Then kneel upon it." I stated. "But didn't I do what you asked?" she asked seeming confused. "Do not question, just do." She hesitated for a moment, seemingly lost. She finally decided to kneel upon the rice, and winced upon doing so. I walk over and hand her the list and say, "Now read to me the list." She picks up the paper and begins to read off her reasons. "Now read them to me like you mean them." She started to weep softly. "This really is starting to hurt master" she whined. "Good perhaps it will get your attention, since words are lost on you, read them again," I said coolly. She read her list to completion a second time. "That just won't do, so I guess you're stuck" I was forced to say. I walked over and grabbed her hair, lifted her head up and asked her "Do you like it down there? Does that position bring you pleasure?" "No master", she replied.
I raised my voice slightly, "Then why do you not do what I ask?" "But I am master, I'm doing everything you asked but I'm still being punished" she cried. " How does that make you feel?" I asked. "Do you like this situation? Do you like being treated unfairly? Seemingly you do everything right but you still feel punished?" She paused for a moment looking at me, the tears had stopped. "This is exactly what you do to yourself every time you let someone else have power over you in your life. You feel powerless and worthless so you do whatever it is you feel is nesessary to please them. So if you feel that this situation is unfair and that you are in the right, then you know what to do. Unless you want to keep reading," I stated with authority. "But that will be disobeying you," she sobbed. "When this all started I told you it would be hard, and the choices you make will be difficult," I reminded her. "So one more time from the top, let's hear that list," I commanded. She had a look on her face, tears began to stream down her cheeks, instead of reading her list she started to rise from the floor, I didn't say a word, she kept her eyes on me the entire time. She stood up looked me in the eyes and almost shouted her list at me. I rose from my chair and walked to her, she was shaking head to toe almost shivering. "Now when you chose to rise from the floor, why did you do it? I asked. "It hurt really bad I couldn't take any more. I'm sorry master that I stood without your permission" "Oh I only asked you to kneel, I never said for how long. You decided that must be what I want so you continued in the pain to please me. You never thought to stop and ask me if I wanted you to continue to kneel, you just assumed. Lesson one, never should a master ask you to complete a task then punish you, but every time you do these things in your life, to hurt yourself to please someone, you are doing just that" I stated. Upon completion of that sentence, she looked up at me with tear filled eyes, it was almost as if a safe had been cracked. I could see years of pain and anguish on her face. "Come here you gorgeous thing you," I said while scooping her up in my arms. She buried herself into my chest and sobbed uncontrollably. I packed her into the bedroom and laid her upon the bed, climbed up into the bed with her, pulled the blankets up over us, and just laid with her. She clung to me like a new born. Some time passed and her sobbing lessened a bit, and through red eyes and a cracking voice she told me, "Thank you"

Lost in battle

"How are you today?" was the question. I really didn't have an answer. Replying with a simple "Oh the usual, another day another dollar, fifty cents after taxes" brings a bit of a chuckle from those around me. It has been a rough couple months. Trying to reconcile what I believe to be right, everything I've been taught to believe is being challenged. The person I love is asking me to do things that go against the very grain of my being. So what do I do? What are my choices? Can I exist between these two worlds? Is my love for her strong enough to allow me to bend so she can pursue her desires? I've learned so much, my eyes have been opened, the demons that I once thought roamed this place, weren't what they seemed. It was just so different, so alien to me, I had trouble taking in all this new world had to offer. "It means so much to her, she deserves to have this" I tell myself. That battle raged inside me. Finally the decision was made for me. I no longer have to worry about what she does, it is no longer my responsibility. I still think of her. My heart is with her. I can't try and pretend to not love her. I hope she is happy where ever she is. I miss her. I'm sorry I couldn't be what you needed. I love you wherever you are. Think bad of me all you want, but you know in your heart that I love you more than you'll ever give me credit for.

Mon cœur saigne pour être la vôtre près, je vous aime plus que la vie elle-même.